this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she peed on how many people?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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