I puked a lego.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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