Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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