Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
