Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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