be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cut my penus on the lid.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
