I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize