TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
