you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
