You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
