there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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