My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
