ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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