Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
