I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
