its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
