3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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