Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
