How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize