I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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