why didn't you poke me back
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
