but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry about my life...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
