Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think people are normalizing furries
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
