why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
