I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
