What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
