Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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