The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize