My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
