it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my being single is dangerous.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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