From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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