wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
