Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
