ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
