hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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