You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
