I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
