So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
