i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
