I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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