i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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