we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
