Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
