R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
