Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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