Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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