my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
