We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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