so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
