Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
