I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
