Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
