i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
