This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
