I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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