Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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