she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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