She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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