did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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