I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
