I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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