I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
