I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
