i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
