The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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