So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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