just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
