so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
