Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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