well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
